Me not long after, with extensions - reveling in the glamour of the length but dreading the weight and style time. "The issue is that we – especially women in beauty and health – have always told ourselves that being plus-size or overweight defines beauty." That means steering clear from certain haircuts: Similar to the fashion tips that were tailored to "pear" or "apple" shapes, many of us have a subconscious list of haircut dos and don'ts that were drilled into our heads based on whether our face is round or heart-shaped or whether or not we have a second chin. "Literally every single consultation I have with someone," she deadpans. When I ask her how often people in her chair express concerns about a haircut making them appear bigger or rounder, she doesn't hesitate for a second. I know that I'm not the only one who has had experiences like this or has always felt this way it's an attitude that Missouri-based hairstylist and colorist Colissa Nole knows all too well - from her clientele and from being plus-size herself. "I love it!" I cooed as she twirled me away from the mirror. It was the best performance of my lifetime. I really thought that was an objective fact. Like clothing, any haircut looks amazing on you when you're thin. I assumed back then that all hairstylists knew what they were doing, so the fact that I didn't like this haircut wasn't her fault - for giving me something different than what I had shown her - but mine - for being too chubby to pull off what she did give me. Teenage me, on the other hand, couldn't have been more mortified by the way those choppy layers emphasized the roundness of my barely-post-puberty face. As an adult, I now understand that there is no such thing as "feeling fat" or "looking fat " you either are or you aren't, and either is perfectly fine. The moment I realized the cut was several inches shorter and decidedly more layered than the reference photos I had brought to the salon, I was devastated for all the wrong reasons: not because the stylist clearly misunderstood the assignment or because I would have to spend years growing it back - but because I thought it made me look fatter. It turned out to be less emo-girl chic and more Jon & Kate Plus 8. But during my freshman or sophomore year of high school in 2009, I decided to take an uncharacteristic risk with my then-waist-length hair and requested a razor-cut bob with dramatic side bangs (inspired by Cassadee Pope, then of Hey Monday semi-fame). If my hair is long and voluminous enough, I thought, it might shroud or distract from my broad shoulders, my wide hips, and maybe even my soft, curved belly.Īround the age of eight or nine - when my parents deemed me old enough to make my own choices about my hair - I started refusing to get any significant haircuts so it would grow as long as possible. Whatever the source, I truly believed from childhood until young adulthood that I could control how people perceived my body simply by having a certain hairstyle. That's the mentality I've been carrying with me for most of my life, and I don't even know where I picked it up - most likely a combination of media, recommendations from low-key fatphobic hairstylists, and my own deep-seated insecurities about my body. When you're a big girl, you don't get short haircuts.
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